Connection with the other and the Self

A question was asked during my Heartful Communication workshop; what if I don’t have the intention for connection’?

Heartful communication, inspired by Marshal Rosenberg’s Non-violent communication, focuses on communication with integrity, always keeping the intent for connection alive. The four pillars of NVC; Observation, Feelings, Needs and Request have intent for connection as their cornerstone. So, if the foundation is wobbly, then what is my motivation to communicate heartfully?

I was alert to the response, because this thought had crossed my mind too. I found it easy to be dismissive and not dwell on the intricacies of practicing NVC consciously, if I was not interested in building or furthering the relationship. Conclusively, my enthusiasm to dig, unravel and find a way to communicate empathically ceased.

If connection was not my motivator, then where could I shift my focus? The trainer very aptly responded and asked us to shift our awareness to our needs. What need of mine would I meet by instigating a disconnection, or closing this connection with a feeling of disharmony? Did this intent of not wanting a connection, take me a step closer to meeting my needs? Could I gather enough empathy and communicate my intent to the other in a way that I continued to feel at ease with myself?  Did I want to end this amicably so that if we crossed paths again, I could smile from within, without any malice or baggage? Or would I shy away from every opportunity of crossing paths with them?

This was an opportunity for me to understand what behavior triggered me. Why did this feeling of discontent persist in our relationship? This person had done me a favor by guiding me towards better self-awareness. This lack of connection with the other had enabled me to develop a connection with the self, which took me a little closer to meeting my need.